With Or Without You

"I can't live
With or without you"

And that's how the famous U2 song goes. Its something like my state of mind right now, just not that extreme.
Its been over 9 months we broke up but you still have such an effect on me. I can still feel anything from love to hatred towards you.
According to the Charlotte break-up rule (Sex and the city) it takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them. So that leave me with about another year (11 months to be exact) to get over you. HOLY SHIT!
There are happy days and sad days. Happy days pass by easy. Its these recurring sad days that cause the trouble.
Its not like I don't remember you on happy days, I do, and then I move to the next thought keeping you as a happy memory at the back of my head. But the days I am sad, I need you, not want but need. And it takes a lot of effort to not just pick up the phone and give you a call or a message. I need you because you have this calming effect on me that no one else has had so far. Your voice still eases my pain. And some days I just want to run back to you.
And the fact that you can still have this effect on me scares me. Scares me if I will ever move on.

One new year wish:
Wants more people to like her.
Wants fewer strangers to dislike her.

Happy New Year! :)

Love Wedding

Since I was a little girl I dreamed of a prince on the white horse.. I knew I wanted to grow up, fall in love, get married.. 

Yes, I always wanted to get married.. 

Knowing this fact was kind of comforting.. How you ask?

There was something in my life that was certain, something I knew I wanted..

But now that thought is changing.. And this uncertainity about the future isn't comforting..

I don't know what i'll be doing next year, don't have anything to look forward to or aim at yet.. And its scary, this blur..

Aimless!

You know one of those moments when you look at a particular person and think, he/she should be an actor, a teacher or a writer.. And then you look at yourself, blank! That's pretty much how the inside of my head is right now. Blank. I don't know what I want to do in life.
For the longest time its been in my head that I will do MBA post graduation.. To achieve that aim I joined coaching too, completed all my classes and then dropped as I hadn't prepared enough for it..
In the last two years of school I thought i'd do a particular course and when the time for admission came, i changed to a different subject altogether because in the 2-3 months prior admission I found it more interesting..
So what was the point of me planning for so long when it had to come down to me changing the plan..? I am still trying to figure that out..
I hope a new plan pops up soon, as its only about 8 months more till I am out of college and heading into nothingness!
Here's hoping for a sorted life in the next few months..

Black Or White

Life is tough. Sometimes with people in it. Sometime without people in it.
Without people, you crave for their presence, thinking there will be so much more to your life - friendship, companionship, love.
With people, there is all that you expected mixed with a whole lot of drama- fights, disagreements, misconceptions, disappointment.
Of late, I have been swinging between these two thoughts. To have people in my life, or not.
The thing with this confusion is that you can never be in a situation completely black or white.
You can't just have certain people in your life. There is always some baggage that comes with them. Sometimes you like it, sometimes you don't.
And cutting out someone is not easy either. Thinking of life without them is painful and you keep them in your life, even though they cause you just as much pain, if not more.
I am yet to chose a path. Either way, I hope what I chose brings me some happiness. I could really use a lot of that at this moment.