Used to be..

I used to be a happy child.
I used to dream about my prince charming.
I used to love painting.
I used to be good at sports.
I used to be a tom boy.
I used to be a sweet person.
I used to be academically bright.
I used to have a big group of friends.
I used to believe in love.
I used to believe life will be good.
I dont know when I stopped being and feeling all these things.
I dont know if I will ever be the same.
Is this growing up? For if it is, I wish to be a child again.

New Beginnings

Time does fly by! It's already been 5 months since college ended! Such little time and it feels like a I have already lived another life. Doing nothing this year (read: taking the year off and preparing for management entrances) did leave a lot of free time. Time that was supposed to be spent studying, instead I met lots of people and had a good good time. And i just realized my new years wish did get fulfilled. (Note to self: must write always these new years wishes/resolutions so I can be happier when they are fulfilled)

I am in a much happier place than I was 6 months back. Things in all spheres of life are good. Shed a little weight. Bonded with family over the BEST summer break. Met new people. Connected with an old friend. Revived my nerd side. And was made aware of my sole mate. That is quite a lot for 6 months I say.

As of now I need to study a little harder and make it to B School of my choice. MUST!

I hope to write more.

Ending this with the best part of my summer break.

(Pangong Tso)

Something new.

There was a time I could cry at the drop of the hat. Now even when I want to cry, the tears don't fall.
I can feel the pain, I just cant take it out. Its not a good feeling.

The end of the end.

23rd July, 2007. The start.
10th April, 2011. The end.
30th Jan, 2012. The end of the end?

I know you changed.
I know you tried.
You should know so did I.
I know I made the start.
But you put the full stop.
I thought we could be friends.
You thought we could be more.
I thought we could get there, but every time I tried reality struck.
I know I asked you to move on.
I know I asked you to forget,
Who was I kidding?
And then you did.
It was easier knowing from you than from some one else.
But it hurt no less.
All I had to say was 'we talk too much'.
And that was it.
I know you needed a friend.
You should know, so did I.
But it always seemed like old times and I had to put a pause before it went too far.
So you called me 15 days later, telling me you had moved on. So should I.
It's just that it's easier said than done.
And then you went right ahead and told me what all was on your mind.
It wasn't me, none of it, it was all her.
I think you spoke to just your friend.
And I did all I could to put up a brave face.
Now that I look back, even though we weren't together, I still thought you were mine.
I was selfish, wanting you and yet not.
And now is the time to say the final good bye.

It's a feeling I had for a while. You hadn't called in over 10 days. The last time we spoke, I said some mean things. But it was unlike you to not call or message. Now I know I must move on. I have to. You no longer feel mine.
I want to wish that you be happy but not with such pain in my heart. I don't quite understand why it even hurts so much. This had to happen. And for now I must try my best to not let it take over me. Here's hoping that the pain subsides with each passing day. There has to be a reason they say "Time heals all."

With Or Without You

"I can't live
With or without you"

And that's how the famous U2 song goes. Its something like my state of mind right now, just not that extreme.
Its been over 9 months we broke up but you still have such an effect on me. I can still feel anything from love to hatred towards you.
According to the Charlotte break-up rule (Sex and the city) it takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them. So that leave me with about another year (11 months to be exact) to get over you. HOLY SHIT!
There are happy days and sad days. Happy days pass by easy. Its these recurring sad days that cause the trouble.
Its not like I don't remember you on happy days, I do, and then I move to the next thought keeping you as a happy memory at the back of my head. But the days I am sad, I need you, not want but need. And it takes a lot of effort to not just pick up the phone and give you a call or a message. I need you because you have this calming effect on me that no one else has had so far. Your voice still eases my pain. And some days I just want to run back to you.
And the fact that you can still have this effect on me scares me. Scares me if I will ever move on.

One new year wish:
Wants more people to like her.
Wants fewer strangers to dislike her.

Happy New Year! :)

Love Wedding

Since I was a little girl I dreamed of a prince on the white horse.. I knew I wanted to grow up, fall in love, get married.. 

Yes, I always wanted to get married.. 

Knowing this fact was kind of comforting.. How you ask?

There was something in my life that was certain, something I knew I wanted..

But now that thought is changing.. And this uncertainity about the future isn't comforting..

I don't know what i'll be doing next year, don't have anything to look forward to or aim at yet.. And its scary, this blur..

Aimless!

You know one of those moments when you look at a particular person and think, he/she should be an actor, a teacher or a writer.. And then you look at yourself, blank! That's pretty much how the inside of my head is right now. Blank. I don't know what I want to do in life.
For the longest time its been in my head that I will do MBA post graduation.. To achieve that aim I joined coaching too, completed all my classes and then dropped as I hadn't prepared enough for it..
In the last two years of school I thought i'd do a particular course and when the time for admission came, i changed to a different subject altogether because in the 2-3 months prior admission I found it more interesting..
So what was the point of me planning for so long when it had to come down to me changing the plan..? I am still trying to figure that out..
I hope a new plan pops up soon, as its only about 8 months more till I am out of college and heading into nothingness!
Here's hoping for a sorted life in the next few months..

Black Or White

Life is tough. Sometimes with people in it. Sometime without people in it.
Without people, you crave for their presence, thinking there will be so much more to your life - friendship, companionship, love.
With people, there is all that you expected mixed with a whole lot of drama- fights, disagreements, misconceptions, disappointment.
Of late, I have been swinging between these two thoughts. To have people in my life, or not.
The thing with this confusion is that you can never be in a situation completely black or white.
You can't just have certain people in your life. There is always some baggage that comes with them. Sometimes you like it, sometimes you don't.
And cutting out someone is not easy either. Thinking of life without them is painful and you keep them in your life, even though they cause you just as much pain, if not more.
I am yet to chose a path. Either way, I hope what I chose brings me some happiness. I could really use a lot of that at this moment.

I Could Really Use A Wish Right Now

I am another one of those rats in the race for the C.A.T. (Common Admission Test) the results if which decide my future.
I know this is what I want to do. I cant see myself doing anything else, really.
But the path isn't easy, not at all. And I am not scared to work hard.
I just think I started my preparation at the wrong time (even though I was told I was too late, I think I started a little early)
There is just so much pressure building up. I have my finals less than 4 weeks away and I know absolutely nothing.
I have never been this unprepared for an exam in my life. EVER.
Added to that attending CAT coaching and not giving it my best, forget best, I am not even giving it my worst for now, just adds to my worries.
Help me God, if you really exist!

Bleed Blue!

INDIA WON THE CRICKET WORLD UP 2011!!

I am not an ardent cricket fan but there was just something about this World Cup that got me glued to the television.
The fact the India made it to the quarter finals. Played against Australia and won!
Heading into the semifinals, against Pakistan. One helluva match that!
And today, against Sri Lanka. What a match!
India started off with great bowling and fielding, limited Sri Lanka's score very well. Their batting started with some major disappointments (read: Sehwag out on 2nd ball and Sachin followed soon!) but Gambhir and Kolhi took charge and led India forward, follwede by Dhoni and Yuvraj. The six in the end was just the perfect finish!
India has improved from match to match through the tournament.. And to finally see the cup in Dhonis hands was a moment of sheer joy! Everyone dedicated the win to Sachin, which was a very warm gesture.
All in all, great cricket , great win.
GO INDIA!!

Midnight Munching

I started exercising again yesterday after good about 6 months.. And tonight i am munching on namkeen.. So much for me trying to lose weight..
I started my day today with plans of studying.. Exams are a month away and I have no hope of passing! This is what happens when you have exams only once a year! We have internals but since they aren't the deciding factor they don't gt as much importance..
All i have done today is facebook and reading the newspaper (yes i like reading the paper)
Result - I am doomed!

Life.

I miss talking for hours at night.
I miss those early morning hello's.
I miss using your name to get out of the house.
I miss going to your house.
I miss you coming over.
I miss how we spoke with our eyes.
I miss having a million pictures with you.
I miss making plans with you.
I miss our laughs.
I miss having friends.
I miss having a life.


For now soaps and shoppings keeps me happy,
But does that count? :|

Love Is In The Air

Happy Valentines Day :)

I hear a lot of people say 'What is the need of a special day to say I love you?'. I get it that you can say I love you any day, anytime and mean it with all your heart but personally I think there isn't anything particularly wrong if you want to dedicate a special day to love. There is a day for mother, father, sister, friends, so why not love?
I am a huge fan of valentines day and all the things that come with it. The whole week of celebrations: Rose day, Propose day, Chocolate day, Teddy day, Promise day, Hug day, Kiss day.. :D

I am in a long distance relationship and as luck would have it my boyfriend had to leave yesterday! :( So i spent today with my best friend. And it was amazing! We haven't had 'our' time in ages and today was just what we needed. We went out shopping and then lunch. I also got her a rose and a chocolate.

We finally went to Hard Rock Cafe. :D A million plans have been made and cancelled and today it happened. Three good hours were spent there, talking and eating, a lot! There was good music and great food.

All in all, a day well spent with someone for whom I have nothing but love. Looking forward to more such days :)

Lets Get This Started

"You know what you should do?"

"What?"

"Start writing a blog"

"Blog? Why?"

"Because everyone is writing one and so should you"

"But I am not much of a writer"

"So what. Just start writing and you will become one!"

This was somewhere in November and since then my dear best friend P has been persuading me to write a blog. I had been thinking about it for a long time and today I finally begin! :)

As the title suggests, this is going to be about anything and everything: friends, studies, family, college, outings, my moods.

Lets see how this goes...