Used to be..

I used to be a happy child.
I used to dream about my prince charming.
I used to love painting.
I used to be good at sports.
I used to be a tom boy.
I used to be a sweet person.
I used to be academically bright.
I used to have a big group of friends.
I used to believe in love.
I used to believe life will be good.
I dont know when I stopped being and feeling all these things.
I dont know if I will ever be the same.
Is this growing up? For if it is, I wish to be a child again.

New Beginnings

Time does fly by! It's already been 5 months since college ended! Such little time and it feels like a I have already lived another life. Doing nothing this year (read: taking the year off and preparing for management entrances) did leave a lot of free time. Time that was supposed to be spent studying, instead I met lots of people and had a good good time. And i just realized my new years wish did get fulfilled. (Note to self: must write always these new years wishes/resolutions so I can be happier when they are fulfilled)

I am in a much happier place than I was 6 months back. Things in all spheres of life are good. Shed a little weight. Bonded with family over the BEST summer break. Met new people. Connected with an old friend. Revived my nerd side. And was made aware of my sole mate. That is quite a lot for 6 months I say.

As of now I need to study a little harder and make it to B School of my choice. MUST!

I hope to write more.

Ending this with the best part of my summer break.

(Pangong Tso)

Something new.

There was a time I could cry at the drop of the hat. Now even when I want to cry, the tears don't fall.
I can feel the pain, I just cant take it out. Its not a good feeling.

The end of the end.

23rd July, 2007. The start.
10th April, 2011. The end.
30th Jan, 2012. The end of the end?

I know you changed.
I know you tried.
You should know so did I.
I know I made the start.
But you put the full stop.
I thought we could be friends.
You thought we could be more.
I thought we could get there, but every time I tried reality struck.
I know I asked you to move on.
I know I asked you to forget,
Who was I kidding?
And then you did.
It was easier knowing from you than from some one else.
But it hurt no less.
All I had to say was 'we talk too much'.
And that was it.
I know you needed a friend.
You should know, so did I.
But it always seemed like old times and I had to put a pause before it went too far.
So you called me 15 days later, telling me you had moved on. So should I.
It's just that it's easier said than done.
And then you went right ahead and told me what all was on your mind.
It wasn't me, none of it, it was all her.
I think you spoke to just your friend.
And I did all I could to put up a brave face.
Now that I look back, even though we weren't together, I still thought you were mine.
I was selfish, wanting you and yet not.
And now is the time to say the final good bye.

It's a feeling I had for a while. You hadn't called in over 10 days. The last time we spoke, I said some mean things. But it was unlike you to not call or message. Now I know I must move on. I have to. You no longer feel mine.
I want to wish that you be happy but not with such pain in my heart. I don't quite understand why it even hurts so much. This had to happen. And for now I must try my best to not let it take over me. Here's hoping that the pain subsides with each passing day. There has to be a reason they say "Time heals all."

With Or Without You

"I can't live
With or without you"

And that's how the famous U2 song goes. Its something like my state of mind right now, just not that extreme.
Its been over 9 months we broke up but you still have such an effect on me. I can still feel anything from love to hatred towards you.
According to the Charlotte break-up rule (Sex and the city) it takes half the time you went out with someone to get over them. So that leave me with about another year (11 months to be exact) to get over you. HOLY SHIT!
There are happy days and sad days. Happy days pass by easy. Its these recurring sad days that cause the trouble.
Its not like I don't remember you on happy days, I do, and then I move to the next thought keeping you as a happy memory at the back of my head. But the days I am sad, I need you, not want but need. And it takes a lot of effort to not just pick up the phone and give you a call or a message. I need you because you have this calming effect on me that no one else has had so far. Your voice still eases my pain. And some days I just want to run back to you.
And the fact that you can still have this effect on me scares me. Scares me if I will ever move on.